


Camporee 2: Electric Boogaloo

by goshdarndangit



Series: An Album of Gwen or Gwen-Related Jazz [1]
Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Bad Moms (2016) Gwen, Gen, Mom Gwen, Offended Campers, Rejected David, Sad Max
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 10:04:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11872050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goshdarndangit/pseuds/goshdarndangit
Summary: It's an emotional day for everyone.





	Camporee 2: Electric Boogaloo

Max was having a genuine goddamn shitty day, one that just stopped pulling the punches on the sad idiocy that was his life at Camp Campbell.

Sleep was no longer an option because the Woodscouts have taken to raiding the camp every night. Somehow David and Gwen don't notice a goddamn thing and just keep on sleeping, but everyone in camp was starting to get on Max's nerve and the same way around. Vice versa. Fucking whatever, no one has gotten any sleep in three fucking days and it was starting to show.

To top it off, it was Camporee Part Two.

"What the fuck I thought we did this like two weeks ago," Max complained, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Well yes, but! The Woodscouts thought it would be nice to have another little competition because the last one was so darn tootin' fun!" David was far too cheerful, swinging his arms around and smiling as if it was the last thing on Earth he was going to do. The camp let out a collective groan.

"What is it this time?" Neil asked, crossing his arms and training baggy eyes on David, "if they win they get to live here indefinitely while we live in the woods? They get to slowly roast us over a fire like a pig roast? Or is it the good ol' traditional we get to become Woodscouts too?"

"Oo oo!" Nikki jumped up, waving her hand around, "if they win do they get to go home and take our mothers on dates?"

"I- what? Nikki what the hell are you talking about," Gwen asked, incredulous.

"Well Harrison said that we were getting cucked by the Woodscouts and when I asked what that meant he said it meant they can take our mothers out on dates even though they're married but my mom's not even married, and neither is Neil's. I don't think Nurf's parents are married either."

"Hey, mind your beeswax about my personal life, Nikki, it's really intrusive to say those kinds of things in front of an entire crowd of people."

"Holy shit that's not- okay nope, not getting into this kind of conversation today. Everyone shut up and just do whatever, they said they don't want anything but to humiliate us which is what we're good at being, so just chop chop and, I don't know, don't die." Gwen didn't have enough energy to keep dealing with this, she'd already decided to just watch My Baby Momma is Actually my Distant Cousin inside her cabin all day anyway.

"See campers? We're gonna have so much fun today!" David exclaimed, brandishing his arms to the campers, "and maybe this time we can actually try working together to get the greatest prize of all; accomplishment."

"I literally don't have enough brain cells to function today but I can still say that that was the dumbest fucking thing I've heard said today, and we just had to listen to the fact that Harrison unironically uses the word cuck to describe people he doesn't like. Can we just get this over with?" For once the campers actually agreed with Max, in various states of disarray and exhaustion.

\--

The games were going about as well as anyone could expect. Dolph fell asleep while trapezing, Nerris tried throwing dice at Snake while he threw her into the Pit of Despair, Nikki had bitten about five or six of the Woodscouts, Neil had some kind of science experiment blow up in his face as he tiredly attempted to piece together an explosive. They were being thoroughly humiliated. Then it came time for the final face-off, the exhausted and beat campers were face-to-face with the perfectly groomed, perfectly rested Woodscouts smug faces.

God, Max really wished Nurf didn't get all of his knives confiscated.

Max thought it couldn't possibly any worse until Pikeman pulled Mr. Honeynuts from behind his back. "Mr. Honeynuts, not again!" Nikki stifled a laugh behind her hand and Neil sighed, rubbing his temples.

"What is it this time?" Neil asked, obviously completely done with this charade, "do we have to laugh at Max for having a teddy bear again? We've already gone through this and we're pretty sure you sleep with a Gwen body-pillow Pikeman."

"Uh, what was that-"

"Not now David, so what is it gonna be?" Pikeman kept on smiling, taking the bear by both ends and pulling.

It exploded in a cloud of fluff, falling into the mud below as he shook the innards of Max's teddy bear out. Finally throwing the cloth remains at Max's feet, a smug smile on his face. Max began to shake.

"He's gonna blow!" Nikki screamed, diving for some cover.

He picked up what remained of his bear, face becoming redder and redder.

"Oh you poor soul," Preston dramatized, throwing a hand across his forehead, "your most prized possession destroyed by your worst enemy. What you should do is obvious, it's the only thing you, Max, can do! Unleash a torrent of horribly crafted insults-"

"Why'd you do that?" Max whined, tears welling up in his big blue eyes, "what the fuck is your damage." At the sight of tears Nikki immediately let out a shriek and Neil quickly backed up, muttering a quick "holy fuck."

Pikeman nearly immediately lost his smug look, frowning, "Uuh well, uh."

"Woooow," Ered scoffed, flipping her hair and rolling her eyes, "making a ten year old cry, that's, like, _real cool_ of you Pikeman."

"Making fun of having a stuffed animal is one thing," Nurf added, "but purposefully taking that comfort object and destroying in front of a ten year olds eyes is a completely different thing. I mean, what kind of monster does that?"

"Yeah, you're offischially worse than Nurf, and he shtabs people," Nerris added, pulling thorns out of her clothes. The Pit of Despair was a hole full of roses they'd stolen from the Flowerscouts.

"What even is your problem?" Neil asked, "like we already made fun of him, it was done."

Snake shook his head, "Dude fucked up" while Petrol gave him a thumbs down.

"Devil boy!" Nikki screeched, pointing at Pikeman.

Gwen slammed the door to her cabin open, "Nikki stop fucking screaming, it cracked the screen to my TV. Again. Wait... is Max fucking crying?!"

"Come on Max, don't cry, we can fix him up," David tried, opening his arms as Max walked towards him. Everyone was expecting him to go right to David, instead he surpassed David completely and wrapping one arm around Gwen's leg.

"Gwee-he-heeeeen look at what that slimy pimple fuck did," he cried, burying his face in her leg and holding up the remains of Mr. Honeynuts with his other hand. 

Gwen patted his head. "Do you want to go kick them in the nuts?"

"Mhm."

"Okay lets go kick them in the nuts."

The Woodscouts didn't bother Camp Campbell for a long time after that. Pikeman cried into his Gwen dakimakura - _not a body-pillow_   - for weeks after that.

In the end there really was no salvaging Mr. Honeynuts, but the campers all got together and presented Max with a new stuffed animal a couple days later. He gave them a long-suffering look before asking, "Is this just a sack stuffed with rocks and a face drawn on it?"

Nikki waved her hand in the air, "I stuffed it with rocks."

"Goddammit Nikki," Neil yelled, "it was supposed to be stuffing. Y'know stuffing, _the stuff you stuff stuffed animals with_."

"Psh, yeah but like, rocks are way more hardcore. What're you gonna do, cry about it?" Max flung himself at Nikki and they wrestled until accidentally rolling down a hill right into the lake.

Just another day at Camp Campbell.

**Author's Note:**

> I seriously wrote this just so I could write Bad Moms (2016) Gwen comforting a crying Max. I can't see Max going to David for anything, not even when he hasn't slept in days and just had his stuffed bear ripped apart in front of him. Also Gwen will help him beat people up.


End file.
